The Doorway

When I first began my new exploration of science, through my new teacher, it was to deepen my understanding and also to change the old programs of fear and scarcity. I saw these programs as a “problem” that was causing the pain symptoms, and so my motivation was quite focused and inspired. I wanted the pain to stop.

I was still seeing the mindbody coach and participating in the group coaching calls. This part of my recovery lasted about 5 months, and then I knew it was time to take it to the next level. I understood the recovery process- it was just a matter of putting it into practice.

But something told me that there was an opportunity here- that what I was seeing as “problematic” (i.e. old programs) could be a doorway to another level of understanding. As I began my new journey into looking at my brain and body with a broader perspective, I intuited that this work would lead to a much deeper understanding of the Universe, and how creation worked. I read, I listened, I watched, and I meditated- sometimes up to 6 hours a day. And as my brain began to build a model of understanding, I began to experience deep changes in my moment-to-moment life. My intentions weren’t just about getting rid of my pain symptoms anymore- I wanted to know the nuts and bolts of creation- I wanted to know how Amma manifested so many amazing things from nothing. I wanted to know about omniscience and omnipresence- something that most modern non-dual teachings never talk about. And I saw the pain symptoms as a doorway to this discovery.

Alignment with the Universe depends on many things, but the main one is to be completely out of the way- meaning we don’t project our beliefs, fears, expectations on it. The Universe is infinite, and our beliefs are limited. Surrender needs to be fully actualized- the Unknown is the fundamental reality of this actualization. If we are fearful of the Unknown, we are in the way- we are someone that is fearful, and we will not be able to let go to it- we will hang onto the known- our familiar 3D world of perception. But if we really want to know what we are capable of, and who we really and truly are, we must offer ourselves to the Unknown again and again- as a nobody. We can experience fear in the Unknown, but if it is free of identity, then the Unknown has access to the fear in order to transmute it.

I started entering into a space of Nothingness- a Nothingness that contained everything. Yet, in order to access the everything, I had learned the importance of coherence between the heart and brain. Maybe some of you are familiar with this concept (see Heartmath). When the Heart starts to inform the brain, they begin to synchronize and harmonize to one another. Heart/Brain coherence is the gorgeous and Divine union within embodiment, and it is absolutely crucial for both health of the body (autonomic nervous system), and also creation within the Quantum. Working on this level of coherence- through understanding what I was doing- was an important part of returning to Wholeness.

Another crucial step was clearing stuck energy within the body’s energy centers (chakras). I learned to do this through directing energy with Awareness. I had a lot of stuck energy in my 2nd center- which is the place where fear resides. Learning to move this energy up through the centers on a daily basis was part of my new and inspired discipline.

After that was the breath! Such breath! There is all this creative energy stored in the 1st center, and if we aren’t spending it all in unproductive ways, we can take this energy and bring it all the way up into our brains! Then the brain has all this new creative energy to use. Having an orgasm in the brain is not something I would have ever thought of looking forward to each and every day!

The meditations continue to evolve and astound. I am in awe. Embodiment is a very real and important step in our evolution, and the deeper it is allowed, the more capable it becomes. I am so grateful to Amma for being my beacon- for continually leading me and showing me what is possible. The evolution of this soul is an adventure, and as scary as it has been at times, it is so worth it. This adventure is way more precious than being a teacher or anything in this 3D world. I can’t rely on this 3D world anyways- it is not true Source- it is just a mere reflection. I have gradually shifted all my energy and invested it into the Unknown, my Beloved. This is the surrender that I know.