I know I’ve been kinda quiet this past summer. And I would love to share with you my newest engagements with myself.
This last year has been a hallmark year for surrender. Mostly during the spring months, I began to make an extremely obvious yet chliche observation. This observation took me by surprise because on some level I already knew this, and yet I hadn’t gotten it all the way THROUGH. This observation, made after quite a few circumstances/events presented themselves, was that, “we are not in control.”
Now, this may seem like a relatively simple thing to understand, yet, it’s amazing how we still operate in the world thinking we are in control. Like, all the time. So, during this past early part of the year, things kept happening- i.e. unexpected expenditures- that were completely designed to show my being that I am not in control of Life. EVER.
Now it didn’t take too long for me to get this, fortunately. I got it pretty fast after thousands of dollars kept slipping through my fingers. At first I could feel the same old contractions, but they were softer than my old fearful days. Something in me- namely, fear- had been reduced significantly. The contractions, however, told me that the fear was still there. And they also told me that some part of my being still thought it was in control. How interesting! The two go together!
So, after this great revelation, I began to really sense this new invitation to let go- all the way. To begin to see what/who/where I was relying on to support me in any way, shape or form. You would be amazed at how subtle this can get. And most of these places that I relied on had to do with this paradigm. This limited aspect of the relative world. Even though my heart, and mind KNOWS that the Totality is the responsible party in all things, there were still small holdings in my nervous system that didn’t know this. There were places within my Being that just didn’t trust Life all the way.
Good stuff! And truthfully, I’ve always been aware of this, yet, never in such a precise way. It was like I had finally arrived at a place where I could see that it was finally time to let go enough, so that the Totality could integrate those little places in my NS, so that Life could really live.
So, that’s what’s been happening in a nutshell. I haven’t been trying to make stuff happen. I haven’t been moved to keep this teaching platform up to support me. As a result I’ve been hiking, and meditating a lot. And consciously allowing the Totality to meet me in those little places in the NS. Its been powerful, and it has strengthened my devotion exponentially. I thought my devotion was strong before. Now I know its everything.