How the brain deflects danger

I had to get really honest with myself during this process. I had to let go of all ideas and get curious from a scientific point of view. Fortunately for me, I have always loved science. It was my favorite subject when I was a kid. And it’s no coincidence that Amma says that the only way humans can ever be successful is when we learn to combine science with spirituality. I have felt the same way.

Learning about the brain and how it causes the pain message was crucial. Next for me was “why” it was causing the pain message. Now by this I don’t mean I had to analyze my life or go into my past. My right-now experience had all the answers. I actually think going into our past and digging up past trauma can cause more harm than good. Our right-now experiences can provide all the clarity we need.

Once I saw the patterns within thought I could detect how the brain was on the lookout for anything that might be harmful. This hyper-vigilance is common in thought, because its the brain’s job to keep us safe. But there is a certain energy when a line is crossed that becomes more vigilant than necessary. And when I connected the dots with my mom and how she got pregnant at 16, had to drop out of school, got kicked out of her parent’s house, etc, I could imagine the terror she was feeling, while my little brain was developing in utero.

Amma has always said that we share so much more than just our DNA with our ancestors and we pass this on to our kids. And when we do the work, we clear this stuff up for our ancestors and kids. I knew the work I was doing was helping my mom, and that brought me a beautiful sense of service- especially since my mom died at an early age. I felt like I had been given an opportunity to really do some meaningful healing, and that it was rippling through the cosmos. Because honestly, the fear that had arisen as a result of this hyper-vigilant brain was extreme. I am still amazed at what I came through because it was so debilitating. No wonder my mom got cancer at such a young age (there are some doctors who believe cancer is a mindbody condition, and I have seen hundreds of testimonials of people who have healed themselves from stage 4 cancer. See YouTube Dr. Joe Dispenza Stories of Transformation).

My thought processes and patterns were covering up the deeper programs of fear that were hardwired in my brain. And even though I had been aware of worry and frustration all my life, the level of fear that was within this program- which is a type of trauma- had been covered up all my life. The thought patterns were created to maintain this program- to keep it intact. Through my new teacher I began to learn how the brain holds onto trauma, and what happens in the entire system as a result. I will not go into that here, but I do feel that it’s important for everyone that is wanting to embody their True Self to know how the brain holds onto limitation, and how that plays out in their nervous system, DNA, cells and brain. If we are wanting an unlimited perspective and experience, we need a brain that perceives in an unlimited way- a system that is unobstructed.

However, I will share some of the ways that the brain deflects danger. These can all exist as thought, words, and actions- Blame, complaining, judgement, defensiveness, passive-aggression, holding onto a story from the past (blame), victimization, false self-image, arrogance, avoidance, deflecting responsibility, hyper-focusing on others, fawning, projection, addiction, denial, distraction…

There are probably others, but this is a good example of how the brain develops strategies to give itself the illusion of safety. It is interesting to note as well, that these strategies are also what keep us feeling separate and disconnected, which create the false sense of self/identity.

Being able to recognize any of these strategies will open the door to deeper understanding of self. For me, just sitting with frustration and worry never, ever worked- it never changed the hard-wired programs. I know that some teachings prescribe this, and while it is helpful, we need to get to the deeper aspects of our self-limitations to see what is asking for our attention. We will never be satisfied with a half-baked awakened self- it just doesn’t remain for long. Awareness will keep evolving and become more and more dynamic- more infused with the energy of deep transformation. This energy goes right into the brain and changes it completely. You become a whole new Self, because those old programs are gone. The new Self knows how to embody and transmute the brain into an instrument of incredible potential. This is where the fun starts.

The Big Surprise- Emotional repression

In my journey with chronic pain, I discovered many things about myself. I would discover one thing, and that would lead to another, and then it might circle back to the original thing but on another level. And the more discoveries I made, the more ready I was to leave behind everything I thought I knew about awakening and spirituality.

One of the most shocking and revealing discovery was around emotional repression. As I said before, the brain can perceive danger in many things, including emotions. And because this is all in the sub-conscious, we don’t recognize it- until hopefully one day, we do.

I always had the belief that I didn’t repress emotions. I have always sat with my sadness, my grief, and my Love. I was really good with those emotions. And then there was the common belief among spiritual teachers and circles that a genuine awakening frees up repression. I have heard this many times, and it seemed true to me. I couldn’t hold back sadness or grief if I tried. It all just came up unbidden. And I’ve also experienced frustration, irritation and repulsion in varying degrees, which wouldn’t feel very nice, but I never ever got curious about them.

Life has a funny way of knocking on your door to get your attention. And in my life, the knocking has been endless. As a result of that knocking, I experienced a lot of frustration. And this last year, the frustration seemed to increase. And because I was already getting things opened up through understanding how chronic pain worked, my Awareness had increased quite a bit. So, one day, a circumstance occurred that had happened many times before, and the default frustration came up in a big way. In a moment I recognized that I wasn’t frustrated- I was pissed! I was really angry! And I knew I needed to be angry (not to anyone or anything), but as I tried to access the feeling, I couldn’t! I was unable to feel anger! It kept wanting to go back to extreme frustration. I have never experienced anger before- only frustration (and I’ve had many opportunities). I had to work with allowing anger to come, but I found a way to finally release it, and it lasted for about a week. Getting angry in a safe way and place felt incredibly good to me- very empowering. Gone was any sub-conscious resistance to anger. I think many people have this resistance and repression.

As I’ve deepened through the last nine months with my emotional discovery, I’ve recognized that there are many moments throughout the day when very subtle emotions try and surface but aren’t allowed by some sub-conscious default program that keeps them managed. Little ones like uncertainty and lack of confidence have been revealing themselves to Awareness. And then there are the moments when the big one shows up in little ways- FEAR. And because Life is so uncertain right now, these things do show up. Life is making sure they show up. And now, once I can recognize them throughout the day, through maybe a subtle shaky feeling, or a moment of doubt, my skill at feeling them completely has improved. Awareness is now laser focused on recognizing them. And it just takes a moment of pausing and acknowledging, feeling without judgement or belief, and it’s gone. Even the big Fear pops in for some acknowledgement, and once felt, presto! It’s vanished. I don’t need to sit with anything or journal about it (although very helpful at certain times!), because the feeling just comes in like a welcome visitor, through the open door, and is here.

I used to watch Amma for hours when I lived with Her. She would show all these emotions and yet have no attachment to them at all. One moment she would act angry, and then she was in bliss. She was offering a great teaching by that. Now I can feel that energy happening throughout my day. I keep the door open by checking in what I am feeling as I am cooking or exercising, driving to grocery shopping, or thinking about what to write on this blog. And the more I tune into this energy, the more fun it is to meet every little thing. And some are so slight- but they are there. As a result, my nervous system is becoming much more open. I sense that all emotions hang out in our nervous system, ready to be felt. And if there is any repression at all, this affects our health and well-being.

Learning what Liberation really means is up to each one of us. It is not a certain experience- it is all experience.

The story continues...part 4

The more I studied this new work, and applied it during my meditations, the better I felt, I watched the old emotional spiral that had appeared around the pain, dissolve. I learned how the subconscious programs get hardwired, and how to change them. I learned how to work in the Quantum Field, where all possibilities exist as frequencies. I learned how to remove the old perception of lack from my brain.

As a result, the pain began to really subside. I put the cane away. There was still a slight limp, but it didn’t concern me at all. I watched how things that would trigger me become less and less inviting to even engage in. My energy was improving every day. And as I learned how to bring myself into heart/brain coherence, my autonomic nervous system was able to step in and bring more order and balance into the body.

I attended a week-long Advanced retreat where I felt so much Love that I didn’t think I could handle it. I felt completely supported by the Field while I stepped into the unknown, as an Awareness, to shift my focus from 3D to 5D. I learned that if you change the energy in the Field, you can change matter. This is how Amma works, and I felt her with me continuously, supporting this soul’s new adventure.

Something is happening to this mind/body/brain. I feel like I’ve been talking about potential for so many years, and I’m finally aligning with that. To me, the Quantum (God) is way more real than this 3D world. My meditations continue to blow me away as I feel changed everytime. All those years of intense devotion are opening the door to a reality I knew existed, but simply couldn’t quite access. And the secret is, is to become no-one. To become pure energy, with an open heart. An Awareness. And we let go completely- and let God in through that open door.