Deficiencies and Self-Compassion

Vedic Scripture describes the path to enlightenment as the removal of ignorance. This is it. It does not describe it as lofty experiences (although they can be quite inspiring), attainment of a certain state, or anything else other than this.

Amma describes it as the removal of ego. I believe in this context and what I am about to share with you, ego is ignorance. And the ego that is to be removed is the ego that feels separate, or the separate self. (Ego in its functional aspect is necessary to live in a body).

The separate self can never feel whole. It will always feel incomplete with what I call deficiencies. And when these deficiencies arise, and when we, as consciousness are identified with them, it can be difficult. And when they arise to be removed it can be extremely difficult and scary. The brain can even be activated to perceive these deficiencies as dangerous, and this is why people adopt new identities to mask their deficiencies (including awakened spiritual identities).

But when we’re on the path of removal, we want to see these deficiencies. We want to see them so that we can view them from many angles; so that we can become aware of them. We want to stay conscious of them as much as possible, so that we don’t go unconscious through the strategies that often accompany them. We need to be aware of them, so that we can go beyond them. I want to be very clear here that we are not trying to get rid of the self! We are only seeing the limitations within that self, which keeps it feeling separate. The deficiencies provide an opening- a doorway.

It’s not always easy though to catch them. The body, throughout its life has become attached to them. It’s like an addiction. And when the right circumstances present themselves, and the deficiencies present themselves, the body will insist that these thoughts and feelings are true. And the deeper we go into the removal, the more insidious they become, and the more prone to convincing the body that they are true. This is where some people fall from grace, and if the person doesn’t have anyone to hold them accountable, that fall might bring others down as well. These falls are often the result of emotional repression and denial.

But when we encounter these deficiencies within the separate self (programs), it’s extremely important to learn to slow down and take some time with oneself. Usually, the automatic response with deficiency is self-judgment and resistance. We unconsciously put pressure on ourselves to get out of it, and back into a feel-good state. But the removal isn’t about feeling good, or feeling awake. The removal is about liberation. And the liberation of deficiencies will not feel good because the body is addicted to them and will fight like hell.

This is the moment when self-compassion is crucial. Stop. Be kind to yourself. Breathe. Take a look at what is happening. Open your focus. Are you fighting yourself? Are you in resistance? This will only make the deficiency hold on, and the brain perceive danger.

Self-compassion gives the message of safety to the brain. Opening your focus brings in more pure Awareness and can shift the identity from deficiency to clarity. Learning to be gentle with yourself during removal is critical if you want to go all the way through.