Prasad

Two nights ago I had a dream. It was an Amma dream. And, as many of you know, we don't dream about Amma unless Amma wills it. These dreams are gifts, and for me they are rare. And so, when they occur, I know they are significant and I need to pay attention.

In the dream, I was in India, at a public program with Amma. It was a huge program, with thousands of people present, coming to receive Amma's darshan. I was sitting quite close to Amma, in front of Her where I could see her clearly. She had in her hands a golden vessel, and it was filled with her pada Prasad, which is the nectar that was used to wash her feet. It is highly cherished among her disciples. She was holding it in front of Her heart, and over the vessel she was looking right at me. And then she spit in it, while still looking at me, imbibing it with her Self.

She then told me to take the vessel, and pass it out to all the people present. Since there were so many people, I felt a little daunted by this request from Amma. So, instead I went to one of the bramachirinis, or women monks, and told her about Amma's request. She took the vessel and said that we would pass it out at lunch, and the men could pass it out on their side. So, with this decision in place, I left the vessel in her care.

As soon as I walked away, I felt something nudge me inside. I knew that what Amma had asked me to do was needing to take place in this moment. She did not want me to wait. And so, I went back to where the Prasad vessel was sitting, and one by one, I began to pass out the nectar of God.

Re-emergence

It's been awhile since I posted. During these past months there has been a very strong pull to go deep within. And there has been no movement to talk about it, or share teachings in a formal way. The sharing is happening now from a much deeper, more intimate place.

I just recently returned from a trip seeing Amma and family. I went to California, and then to New Mexico. And during this time my entire spiritual process was blown apart. And I was returned to my starting point.

You see, it all began with an intense love for God. That intense love fueled the fire to search for Divine Union with every ounce of my being. I gave up a future for "Joi", and instead surrendered my heart and soul to this Love. And that Love consumed me.

And now, more recently,  I find myself once again in this place of intense Love. Only now, there isn't a seeker involved. There is only Divine Love, intensely. I cannot control this feeling, nor would I ever want to. And within this Love, there is the Infinite Reality seeing itself, feeling itself, loving itself, and longing to know itself deeper and deeper.

While I was in Amma's presence i gave myself over to this experience. I cannot know how this life needs to play out, nor what "enlightenment" should look like. I left behind all those non-dual ideas long ago. I now abide in absolute not-knowing. Down to my vulnerable core. This is where the most intimate dance with the Divine takes place. And I am going to dance. And I invite all who dare, to join me.

Being Light

It's so easy to keep ourselves safe by thinking that we are powerless. It is so much easier that way.

To live life from our self-realization is not safe. To live from our true essence, we must begin to be totally responsible for how we are relating to life. We must begin to step up to the plate and be diligent in our questioning of everything we see, feel, believe, and think. We must start to live the part.

And what does that mean? What reality are we operating from? Are we really only an individual living in a relative reality, with all the ups, downs and sideways that comes with a relative reality? Or are we merely imagining ourselves as a separate-character person; like in a dream. Is the reality that we are living in the only reality? And if the sages are correct in their declaration that this is only a dream, then who is doing the dreaming?

If I am dreaming I am a person, then I would want to know that I am dreaming, and begin to have a little more fun with the dream. Maybe I can dream up some interesting possibilities that don't seem possible to my relative character. Maybe I can even change that relative character a bit...lighten her up maybe. Maybe I could call the shots on the way she responds in certain situations, allowing her to be a little more free, and a little less predictable. Because we all know that dreams are anything but predictable. But we do know they can be quite lucid.

It seems to me, that the more I embrace my complete authority as Light, the more I can recognize the truth of this relative reality. But until I do embrace this authority, this dream-reality remains very real. I guess the choice is pretty obvious.